I’m a Sylvia Plath drunk,

Crying in my beer, pontificating the meaning of life drunk,

In love with an abuser, letting his words strike me at will drunk,  

Her pain makes her prose beautiful; mine does not

Mine creates chaos and misdirection

Initially, a charm offensive.  A smile, the promise of a fun night (or two)

The unraveling begins

I’m a mascara smearing, lipstick smudging drunk

Wild, untamed, and carefree

It starts innocently enough

A strategically placed top designed to maximize cleavage

Pomade applied to curls-the ultimate albatross’s nest

Bonding when applying makeup.  Or with dinner  

Conversations ebbs and flows effortlessly, enthusiastically 

For a while, I’m bubbly, effervescent, effusive

Sparkling like the fine wine 

Pas the courvoisier, would you? 

Licking salt and sugar off the rim

Smiling leads to flirting.  Then kissing 

Lipstick gets to smudging. The redder the collar, the more memorable the night

But my curves don’t only hug my dress

Humility strikes as they pay homage to the cool porcelain goddess

I’m a lines blurring, world of hurting kind of drunk, 

You only love me when I’m carefree,  

Admiration and stares-oh so fleeting

You know you’re gonna end up with a white girl

Tonight, let’s drink from the walls of our own despair

Claiming to be at ease

I’m a feminine wiles on display, lingerie and laughter kinda drunk,

the ultimate tease

Setting the stage for the ultimate reward, 

Slumber awaits instead 

Boom Boom Boom-the Punch Room,

Blitzed at the Ritz-Shangri La La La 

After a night of food and conversation with my love,

Tears flow, 

Tempers flare,

Passions rise, 

The turbulent undercurrents of my essence arise once more

Like an undertow

It fills me even when the waters seem calm

But under the surface

My truths await 

Buried deep under the crust of the ocean

My tectonic plates shift once again

Oops

Alcohol is a drug

Sorrow is my sweetest poison

Anger is the gateway to it all

No longer carefree

Only occasionally filled with the desire to smash the mirror

Filled with the love of my babies

Feeding them. Caring for them. Coordinating their sleep schedules

Tending to the earths future

Their bright little minds

The ultimate good girl

Wife and mom 

Domestic complacency 

The wine bottle stares demurely

Momming ain’t easy 

Sure ain’t 

The only path is destruction

Despair

Darkness

An ever elusive elixir of youth, beauty and carefree times 

Can I have it again? 

Mustn’t be

Shouldn’t be

Couldn’t be

An endless abyss of chaos and self loathing awaits

I’ve fallen down this pit before

Still haven’t quite gotten up

It’s 11 am

Brunch 

Babies laughing

Mimosas smells sweet

He smiles-cautiously

I couldn’t.  SHOULDN’T.  

I’m happy now

No longer carefree 

Those days are over

The champagne flute glistens seductively 

Filled to the brim with honey colored nectar

Tomorrow’s another day, right?

The rabbit hole awaits……..